What's Your Legacy?
When you die, what you leave behind becomes your legacy. How will you be remembered?
Have you ever lost someone close to you? A parent or grandparent? A sibling? Maybe even a spouse or significant other? And if you have, what did they leave behind that helps you remember them? Was it a material possession? An inheritance? Or was it something more personal and heartfelt that you’ve returned to over time for comfort?
When my dad passed away in 2013, he didn’t leave much behind. Aside from a cursory will and a hastily scribbled note about a handful of family heirlooms, there were no instructions or parting words that made closing the chapter on his 73-year life any easier.
That’s the thing about losing someone you love—there are no words that can make your grief any easier. And if you’re tasked with the business side of their loss, it’s doubly hard to find comfort in making decisions without knowing exactly what they would have wanted.
Over the years, I’ve thought a lot about what I would do differently at the end of my life, whenever that may be. I, of course, have a will and adequate life insurance, and I’m almost certain the kids wouldn’t want anything to do with my tattered collection of concert tees (though I’d gladly give them first dibs before hauling them off to Goodwill.)
In the early days of the COVID-19 pandemic, I bought a book that would help me with some of these pressing issues. “I’m Dead, Now What?” takes care of the important stuff—my estate documents, funeral and burial arrangements, last words and final wishes. I’m even writing and revising my obituary.
But no matter how much I’ve planned ahead, my gut says something’s missing. I keep wondering if the plans I’ve made are enough to tell my story after I die. How will people remember me when I’m gone? Was I a good mom? Did I work hard? Did I help others? What will my kids tell their children about me?
In January, I had the answer, thanks to The Washington Post. “How will you be remembered? Here’s how to adopt a legacy mindset,” details some of the things you can do leave your legacy. One source talked about writing a “life letter,” also known as an ethical will. “Estate documents are about passing along what you want loved ones to have; the life letter is about passing along what you them to know.“ A life letter is about passing down your family history, your values and most beloved memories and most importantly, your wishes for the future.
A life letter was the missing piece to my final plans. And though I’ve only recently started writing it, it has made all the difference in how I think about the end of my life. I’ve lived well, cared a lot and given my time and talents to others. That’s my legacy. That’s how I want to be remembered.
Back to my dad: There was very little I wanted from his estate. No item of furniture or cute tchotchke was going to bring him back. Instead, I asked for his collection of family pictures and the photo albums that told his life story and some of mine. It was a few months after his passing before I had the energy to go through them all. One day, as I was sifting through a pile of old Polaroids and wallet-sized school pictures, I came across a handful of carefully-folded newspaper clippings. Among them, an article I’d written for my hometown newspaper and my high school graduation announcement. Stuck to the back of the announcement was a note, written in my dad’s familiar script: Jody, MHS 1991, Proud of you. Love, Dad.
It wasn’t in his estate plans or his important documents but that eight-word note told me everything I needed to know about my dad’s legacy and what he hoped to leave behind. It was love. Pure and simple.
What Inspires Me?
Can we talk about Caitlin Clark? Iowa’s best female basketball player EVER is headed to the WMBA. She inspires me. And then there’s this woman who’s giving stuffed animals a second life for kids to enjoy.
The Iowa Writers’ Collaborative
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