The Power of a Hug
It's a small gesture with a big impact.
Sara Cunningham was, by all accounts, a devout Christian, but when her teenage son, Parker, came out to her, it tested her faith. Torn between a love for her son and a love of God, Cunningham began searching her heart for answers.
What the Oklahoma mom did next started a movement. In June 2015, Cunningham wore a homemade button with the words “Free Mom Hugs” to the Oklahoma City Pride Festival, offering hugs, conversation or just a well wish to anyone who needed one.
Today, Free Mom Hugs has chapters in all 50 states and is growing globally, as well. The non-profit relies on thousands of volunteers, stationed at events aimed at celebrating and supporting the LGBTQ community. It’s not uncommon to find a chapter of moms hugging it out at a Pride Festival or Drag Queen Story Hour.
That’s where JoAnna Springsteen, an event coordinator with the Central Iowa chapter of Free Mom Hugs could be found Saturday afternoon. Springsteen and dozens of huggers worked the tent at Capital City Pride’s Pride Fest in Des Moines’ East Village. Dressed in a Free Mom Hugs tank top and armed with a bevy of stickers, temporary tattoos and stretch bracelets, she was ready for the day.
“Free Mom Hugs!” Springsteen yelled. “Who needs a hug?”
This was Springsteen’s third year as a member of Free Mom Hugs (her first year after joining was felled by COVID). Even though she doesn’t have children of her own, she was inspired by the founder’s story and her desire to be a supportive, affirming adult.
“I saw something about the founder, Sara Cunningham, and her journey of understanding when her son came out to her. There was conflict in the the church that she belonged to, which didn't necessarily interest me, but what did was that she basically came to the decision that, ‘My kid is my kid and I'm going to be there to support them no matter what,’ and, ‘Oh, hey, my kid has other friends that are also LGBTQ and their parents don't support them. Why would you not support your own kid? Do you need a hug? Do you need support? What's the simplest way that I can show support?’ It was giving these kids hugs and letting them know that they are loved. That stuck with me.”
Springsteen said, while there is power in a hug, she said it’s often the conversation that transpires between the “moms” and the hugged that’s most impactful.
“I know on the website it says you have conversation but it really did end up being a lot more conversations than just hugging. I think the biggest moment that stuck with me was there was a kiddo that came down that was questioning. They had their mom drop them off at the skate park and then they skated over to Pride. When they came around the corner, they immediately lost it when they saw a group of moms giving hugs. And of course, we just like, swarmed this child. We're all like, ‘What do you need?’ and they're like, ‘What's going on?’ They told us a little bit of their story and that, they were questioning and trying to figure things out and they were scared to tell their parents.” They weren't even sure what to tell their parents or their friends or anything. They felt so alone and disconnected and it was so amazing to walk into a space where it didn't matter. They felt accepted, they felt loved, and they felt that connection to a bigger community and, in general, less alone.”
Less Alone
In 2023, The Trevor Project’s U.S. National Survey on the Mental Health of LGBTQ Young People found that “fewer than 40% of LGBTQ young people found their home to be LGBTQ-affirming,” and “41% of LGBTQ young people seriously considered attempting suicide in the past year.”
With numbers as high as this, it’s no surprise that there are young folks lined up at the Free Mom Hugs tent for a hug. Some move cautiously when asked for consent (Rule #1: Ask if they want a hug, don’t just give it,) others make a beeline to someone with outstretched arms. It’s the latter who often bring you to tears.
This was my first Pride as a hugging member of Free Mom Hugs and I witnessed this firsthand today. It was an emotional experience. A young woman, maybe 18 or 19, sobbed in the arms of a hugger because her mom kicked her out of her house recently. Another started crying because she lost both of her parents and the grief was still fresh. Still another said this was her first Pride and it just felt good to feel loved.
You don’t have to be a mind reader to see the impact of a hug. Most moms know this from day one. When a baby cries, we hold them close to comfort them. As a toddler we give them a hug and kiss and promise that everything is ok. As teens and young adults, we embrace them, sometimes silently, to let them feel their hurt, their grief and even their pain, not because we want to but because as moms, we HAVE to. Your gut tells you it’s so.
Something I should mention: you don’t actually have to be a mom to be a member of Free Mom Hugs. There are plenty of dads, grandpas, siblings, singles, all kinds of people, really. You really just need to know how to hug. That’s it.
Personally, I think we could solve a whole host of ills with hugs, the longer the better. There is something beneficial in that for everyone, and not just for LGBTQ young people. It just so happens that, in places like Iowa, and in divided times like these, they are the ones who need it the most.
What Inspires Me?
I know what inspired me to be a member of Free Mom Hugs but I thought I’d poll a few of the other huggers to see what inspired them. Here are a few of their answers:
“I read about the founder’s story and was moved by how something as simple as a hug could mean so much to someone—a small symbol of something they’d been denied. It will never make sense to me why people reject anyone, let alone their children. And the first time a teenager comes in for a casual hug, then doesn’t let go and you feel them let out a little sob? Heartbroken and full all at the same time.” — Michelle Daugherty
“My son is transitioning and since they’ve been going through the process I’ve never seen them happier.” — Melissa Lynn
“The chance to hug 100 or more people, let alone strangers, in an hour was so new. Where else could I ever experience this? To give love and a comment of encouragement like “I’m so proud of you” felt glorious. I did it to contribute, to make a difference for some of the most rejected of our village. I had no idea the rewards would be so moving, tender, and be such a contribution to ME.” — Kristin Wilson
“People are people and need love and acceptance. As an ally, I want to hug everyone to let them know I, and so many others, accept and love them as perfectly imperfect as every freaking human is. Hurts my heart and soul that my fellow humans would feel any less than.” — Tammy G. Shutters
“I volunteered the first time and felt so unsure as hugging strangers didn’t feel like my thing, but I knew it was an important cause. The number of humans—both adolescents and adults—who hugged and shared their sorrow over lost family relationships broke my heart. And the multitude of joy-filled hugs with big smiles and thanks helped heal it a little. As the mom of a queer kid, it is the least I could do.” —Janice Arthur
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Many years ago (perhaps 20), Patricia Tice in central Iowa recognized the value of hugs for strangers and handed out cards for one free hug. I am pleased that others are using this action to support others.
Absolutely perfect. Thanks for sharing.