I Wear Many Shirts
I don't look good in hats.
For years, I’ve always been the “busy” type—constantly in motion, multitasking, drifting from one thing to the next. My calendar is always “up-to-date,” my checkbook reconciled, house in order, bills paid on time and I rarely miss a writing deadline (ok, maybe SOMETIMES).
Things didn’t get any less busy once I had kids. A few months after my daughter was born, I was laid off from my job and became a stay-at-home mom. Even with my new responsibility, I juggled a growing freelance writing and public relations gig, while managing a household, a husband and the mental load of all that entailed. You could say I wore “many hats” at that time.
When my twins were born less than two years later, I had to let go of the business in order to stay on top of everything else. If it didn’t involve looking after someone else’s needs, it had to go. There was no time for self-care, personal growth or development (let alone a shower).
I found myself looking for ways to sneak in some “me” opportunities as the kids got older—things that might benefit the greater good and give me some sense of accomplishment and pride. I began writing again, volunteering at the kids’ school, helping out at their extracurricular activities and giving time and money to causes that were important to me. I found little pockets of happiness in these spaces and, at times, they were what sustained me when life was simply too busy to bear.
When I divorced in 2018, a whole new world of opportunity opened up to me. As my ex was legally-obligated to spend time with the kids, I filled that time apart with more writing, more volunteering, more giving back and more fun. I worked out, spent time with friends, fell in love and made myself a priority again.
Five years later, I’m the busiest I’ve ever been. Work is busy, the kids are busy, all the projects I’m doing, the causes I’m supporting, they all keep me really busy. I’ve followed enough self-help gurus and Instagram therapists to understand that busy doesn’t always mean “present,” making me more mindful and intentional with my time. It’s pretty simple, really: if it doesn’t bring me joy, I don’t do it.
Last week, I received word that I was accepted into the graduate program at Drake University. I start online classes in August. If everything works out, in two years, I’ll have my M.A. in communication leadership. I’m certainly not your traditional graduate student—in fact, it’s been more than 25 years since I’ve been in a classroom. But this was something I’ve longed to do for a while but other things came first. Now is the time.
When I shared the news with a friend, she asked how I’d planned to balance work, family, my volunteer commitments, writing and school without burning out. When would I find the time, she asked, to wear yet another “hat?” I joked that I didn’t look good in hats.
The truth is, women, especially moms, are often the wearers of many hats. They’re nurses, teachers, chefs, taxi drivers, secretaries, accountants, travel agents, etc., all the time, 24-7, 365 days a year. And we often do it seamlessly. No one knows when we take off one cap and put on another. We just do it.
I’d say women, especially moms again, wear many shirts, not hats. We wear shirts that represent the schools we went to and the teams we cheer for, the causes we champion and for the activities our kids are in. We wear shirts showing the pride we have in our workplaces and the things we believe in. These are statements of who we are, and who we have become, not always what we do.
When I sign on for that first day of classes at Drake, I’m not adding another hat to my burgeoning wardrobe, I’m adding another shirt, and like all the rest of the shirts I own, this one will be worn, washed and folded for another day.
What Inspires Me?
I vacationed in Portland and Seattle last week and am still catching up on the news but this was something that caught my ear and hasn’t let go–a never heard ballad by Freddie Mercury, lead singer of Queen (one of my favorite bands).
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