An Apology to Our Kids
Looking toward the future, I find myself wanting to apologize for the mess we're leaving behind for the next generation.
Kids, I hate to admit it but the world is a mess right now. I’d like to tell you to stick it out—things will get better. But right now, I’m not feeling that. In fact, I feel the opposite. Politics, religion, freedom, etc. It’s all a shitshow. It’s a train barreling to nowhere and we can’t get off.
I’m not usually like this. I’m an optimist. I can see the bright side of most things. As your mom, yes, I have concerns, but not about you sneaking out of the house or getting an F on a test. I’m concerned about your future and I feel powerless to change things.
As an Iowan, I’m so sorry that things have gotten this bad here. I really am. I’m sorry that our governor wants to destroy the public schools that you grew up in. I’m sorry that she doesn’t want kids to have free lunch during the summer. I’m sorry that our state legislators want to arm teachers and ban books and tell you what you can be called and what bathroom you can use.
I’m sorry that tuition at that state school you want to attend will likely go up again. I’m sorry that the school will likely eliminate DEI programs and gender studies. I’m sorry that there might be words and phrases your professors can’t teach because the state government says so.
I’m sorry that when you do graduate college, you’ll likely have student debt that exceeds your income. I’m sorry that you’ll scrape by just to pay the bills at times and that your struggle will make you feel like you’re not enough.
I’m sorry about the environment and climate change and the fact that so many people don’t believe in science anymore. I hate that we’re leaving this world such a mess for your generation to clean up.
I’m sorry that our politicians are liars and cheats. I’m sorry that they don’t believe everyone is equal. I’m sorry that they will find ways to keep you down whether you’re a woman, a person of color or queer. It goes against everything I taught you.
To the girls, I’m sorry that you might not have access to birth control or the right to an abortion. Should you ever find yourself pregnant and without any other choice but to carry the child to term, I apologize for what that will do to your mental health.
I’m sorry that some men will look at you as nothing more than an object. I’m sorry that many of those men, even the ones you thought you could trust, will take advantage of you. I’m sorry that you won’t feel safe in places you thought were. I’m sorry that you will carry your keys between your fingers when you’re walking to your car at night. I’m sorry that you’ll have to cover your drink in a bar because someone might put something in it. I’m sorry that you’ll cross the street just to get away from a guy who’s walking too close. I’m sorry that you’ll have to check your backseat every time you get in to your car or the windows and doors of your home if you live alone.
I’m sorry that there are people who will call you a slut or a whore because you chose to wear the skirt. I’m even more sorry that there will be some guy who will undoubtedly think you wearing that skirt gave him permission to hurt you. I’m sorry that he will likely get away with it.
To the boys, I’m sorry that your fathers weren’t taught to feel their emotions. I’m sorry that they told you not to cry or to toughen up. I’m sorry that you can’t wear the color pink or nail polish or a dress if you want to because you’re afraid someone will call you “gay.” I’m sorry that, if you are gay, people will force you to stay in the closet because it’s more comfortable for them for you to not be who you are. I’m sorry that toxic masculinity seems to be the norm. I hope you know that being kind or sensitive or vulnerable is ok. It doesn’t make you any less of a man.
To the girls, I’m sorry that when you get your first real job, and any other job thereafter, that you’ll only make 84 cents on the dollar compared to your male counterparts. I’m sorry that they’ll get promoted before you, take credit for your ideas and rise to the top of the corporate ladder faster than you. I’m sorry that you’ll be penalized if you decide to marry (or divorce), to have a family (or not), lean into a career (or not), speak up for yourself (or not).
I’m sorry that, if you do have children, your life will be changed dramatically by motherhood. You won’t recognize that yourself at times. I’m sorry that the cost of child care will be an issue, more so if it means you take hiatus from your career to be a mom. I’m sorry that you may have to make the choice between a family or a career. I’m sorry that your husband or partner may not be impacted at all by these decisions.
I’m sorry that you won’t get the attention of some doctors when you know something is wrong with you or your children. I’m sorry that the cost of your health care and taking care of yourself will be expensive. Sometimes, you’ll choose to pay something else over paying for those things whether it’s dental work, new glasses or a mammogram. I hope that you have insurance and no pre-existing conditions.
To the boys, I’m sorry that you will, at times, be intimidated by women. The strong ones are usually kinda fierce. But they need you to be allies for them.
I’m sorry that there will be people close to you who don’t support you, who don’t believe you’re smart enough or talented enough. I’m sorry that you will still be considered “less than.” It’s not your fault.
Maybe things won’t be as bad as I think they will. Or maybe they will. If that’s the case, you didn’t deserve that. And I’m sorry.
What Inspires Me?
I don’t know much about basketball but I’ve heard enough about Caitlin Clark to pay attention recently. Clark, the Hawkeye women’s standout player, is just 38 points away from the all-time NCAA scoring record. She’ll have her shot at smashing the record on Sunday vs. Nebraska. That’s inspiring to me.
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